Miracle grow -- for a tumor?

I was tottering along fairly well during 2011: the Tarceva was keeping the lung cancer in check, and the Tamoxifen seemed to be doing it's job of keeping the little tumor in my left breast under control. (E/P +)

Around the end of June I started to feel a bit of tenderness in that tumor. I was a little concerned, so set up appt to see the breast medical oncologist NP. She examined me, and immediately sent me downstairs for a mammogram and ultrasound. Lo and behold, there were now 6 tumors in that breast, and 3 of 4 axillary lymph nodes looked "hot".

My BRCA (breast cancer) had progressed while I was on Tamoxifen. Not good. Switched me to Arimidex. After a few weeks on that, the tumor continued to be sore. The skin looked bruised. Another clinic visit--might be inflammatory changes associated with the new med. OK - sounded reasonable to me. I had been reading up on this stuff.

Early in September, it seemed that someone had sprinkled "Miracle Grow" on that left breast tumor. It went from zero to 60 in 1.8 seconds. I have the strange noteriety of being in the club of women who "fail" 2, count them, 2 medications that should have worked.

I had never been terribley concerned about the BRCA because, 1.) it was small, 2.) no one seemed terribly concerned, and 3.) there are lots of treatment options for BRCA.
I did not obsessively check the breast. You know how easy it can be to worry yourself sick obsessing over every litle thing.

Fast forward to Sept 14. Lung mets to spleen look good and stable. Tiny spot on the liver.
Additional breast imaging showed progression. I was set on getting the tumor out surgically. It hurt!

I had a sinus infection in early September and never bounced back. I felt sick. I felt like I had been dipped in lead. Doing anything required immense effort. Work was taking every bit of energy I had.

So-- because of the ridiculously fast progression of the BRCA, they decided to do a PET scan to check bones and tissues for metastases.

Ding, ding, ding! I hit the jackpot! PET scan 9/21. Our wedding anniversary 9/22 (our 4th). We went to White Castle for dinner and my phone rang as we pulled into the driveway.
I have spinal mets in cervical, thoracic and lumbar spine. Mets in left ribs and sternum (breastbone). Pelvis. Liver. As I listened to this report, I thought my world had caved in on my head.

We sat there in the driveway, trying to get our heads wrapped around what I had just been told.

God is good, even when we don't understand His actions.

So, September 28 I had a modified radical left mastectomy. I've never been a terribly vain person. I think it's crazy for an otherwise healthy person to spend thousands of dollars on breast implants or cosmetic surgery. I know that for some women breast reconstruction may be what they want to do. OK. I do NOT understand being unwilling to undergo mastectomy at the risk of one's life....all to save a booby. I am not my breasts...oops...breast. I am not defined by the amount of mammary gland tissue attached to my chest.

The post op pain is substantial. I can't drive or use my arm. This is no cure~~ we plan on starting chemo in about a month. I hope to get in some good time with my family, friends and pets.

So much for blogging....

I see I haven't written anything in quite a while. Not that I didn't want to, but it seemed like my posts were getting to be more and more about how bad I was feeling, or just repetition.

Things have changed since November. I think it's time to bring some humor into this crazy mess called " my health".