Happy Birthday to me. The big 53 today--- the day after my third cycle of docataxel and carboplatin.
Those of you that know me personally would confirm that I am not a whuss who shrinks and cowers in the presence of pain or discomfort. I can honestly say that the post op surgical pain was easier than the chemo---- I understand it and it makes more sense to me. Everyone is different and will have different responses and different side effect issues.
For me, I become nausea for 10 days. Reading for pleasure becomes difficult because it feels like all the brain wires are crossed. "Fatigue" hardly begins the bone and mind numbing paralysis of spirit that I experience on this stuff.
The scariest parts are the emotional / psychological / spiritual aspects. I understand situational anxiety, grief, garden variety depression....but the feelin of being in a very deep, dark pit, totally disconnected from God and family.....undescribable. I must just repeat over and over to myself --- this too will pass. 10 bad days, then return to weakness and fatigue.
Today is day 3. Feeling rotten already. The point of this blog is not to just get on here and complain about how awful I feel, but to rejoice also in what the Lord is doing in my life and in the lives of others around me through this cancer dance.
So-- right now we are hoping that the chemo is keeping the mets reined in, and that we can buy some time for me with the chemo. As long as I can tolerate it. I am blessed with a wonderful Savior, husband, family, friends, church family, co-workers and canine companions that are with me every step of the journey. I am surrounded by love. How can I complain? Why NOT me?
Pegi - Praying for you and trying to reach you. Be strong in the Lord, and in the power of HIS might - Eph. 6:10.
ReplyDeleteI love you! Bert (Roberta Plaat - bertplaat@gmail.com)