Blogging again....

I have made a million promises to myself that I would keep up my blog. I also have made a million excuses about why I haven't done it: too much has happened, too little going one, I don't feel well, you name it. So~ there may be short snippets here and there, but so be it. Things may be chronologically out of order~~ I figure most people are intelligent enough to put things together. Today is a perfectly lovely day here in central Ohio. It's in the mid 70s with low humidity. Today is also my colleague's birthday: CNP and personal heroine Pam. We've shared an office since July 2, 2006. Didn't get any high calorie nonsense into the office today. Too bad. Happy Birthday Pam! I miss you! Yesterday I had my Zometa infusion, and today my body is protesting.We know that it's working: the last PET scan showed less activity in the bones than in the previous scan. My bones are aching more that usual (typical side effect), and I am thoroughly exhausted. Wiped out. No energy. Tired to the point of it being scary. I have done nothing today except sit in the recliner and either sleep, or do "recliner things" like read or listen to Charles Stanley or David Jeremiah on MP3. While the bones seem less "hot" on PET scan, the MAy 17 CT scan showed 4 delightful new tumors in my liver that weren't there before. They range in size from about half an inch to one inch in diameter. Good news: there's more healthy tissue there by far than tumor. Bad news: we don't want tumors in my liver, period. Push "rewind" on your mind for a sec and revisit The Arnold in "Kindergarten Cop". Now, we change things just a bit as you pull up a scene and hear his deep, Teutonic tones saying, "Yes, it is a tumor. Four of zem." So, as I had posted earlier, they had started me out on carboplatin and taxotere. That was fine and dandy, the reactions to the taxotere not withstanding, until I had a very special reaction to the carbo at home one night about 11pm. I looked like a tomato. Red. Round. Puffy. I gobbled down some Decadron and Benadryl and called the hospital. Needless to say, I was never given that drug again. Switched to Taxol alone. Taxol is the synthetic version of Taxotere. I was really having problems with numbness and tingling in both hands and feet. This nerve damage (called "neuropathy" in medical-speak) is really very painful. Anything requiring fine motor skills became difficult and painful. The tips of my fingers became so painful that I couldn't get the dogs on and off their leashes or fasten buttons or earrings. Taxol stopped. I just havent' had great luck with these breast cancer meds. Either they don't work / lose effectiveness OR I don't tolerate them. So, around May 11 I started an oral medication called Xeloda. I take four 500 mg pills twice a day for two weeks, then take a week off. I start my next two week round tomorrow. I can't say I felt a lot better off the med than on it, but will withold judgement until I've been through a couple of cycles. I just hope it works. People hear I'm on chemo and they ask, "When will you be through with it?" The answer is actually a little more than most people want to hear: I will never be "through" with chemo. I will be on something for the rest of my life, because the aim is control, not cure. They tell me there are still other drugs to try if this one fails. That's good. Finally, I know that God has some things for me to do yet, or I'd be outta here already. He IS using this every day for my good. Other people are being touched and changed.... and I will say it over and over --- the cancer has been a gift that I wouldn't trade. Next time I'll write about our new little Schipperke girl "Miss Bee". She is a nine year old retired champion who miraculously came into our lives as a fun companion and nurse. What could a dainty, small, 11 pound girl have to do with bratwurst?