What you don't see

NOTE: not whining, but to say no one can tell what goes on in the body, mind and spirit of another. This is a continuation of the thoughts in "Everyday living".
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Skin so tight it hurts,
Lotion eases the tight wrinkles snd makeup almost hides the acne.
Blood. From where? The inside edges of my nostrils.
Bleeding.
My skin burns everywhere.
Red bumps and rash are coming everywhere.
It's rough like sandpaper: no lotion is enough.
It itches and itches.
I can't reach my back.
You'd never know if I didn't tell you.
The medicine that will lengthen my life has turned my skin to sandpaper.
I am alone
In this skin.

I awake from a decent night's sleep (unusual).
Aching muscles, aching joints.
Getting out of bed is like trying to swim through pudding.
Before my feet hit the floor, I remember. I have cancer that can't be cured.
Then the cough starts.

Why the cough? Reflux, anatomical changes, who knows? Who cares?
Typhoid Mary: out trying to shop and the damned coughing comes again.
Talking? Try it with vocal folds that have been beaten into what surely must be shreds.....
Coughing that causes the whole body to shudder and shake.
Coughing that wears a body out...only adding to the ever present fatigue...
Oh, Lord sometimes I feel so alone
With this cough and no voice.

I am always tired. Always. No amount of sleep fixes it.
How can anyone who looks so good be so tired? Nahhhhh....
You don't walk in my shoes, so you don't know what tired really is.

Is it any wonder that there are times when I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired?

Lord, I know you're there and you're working in my life.
I believe that all things work together for my good~~
And that I must keep my focus on you.

The psalmist writes that crying and sorrow will last for the night,
And joy comes in the morning.
Hold me tight as I close my eyes and take one step at a time,
And be ready to hold me up when I can't take one more step...